CarDom: the automobile subscriptions lurking in our dystopian driving future

Subscription seat warmers are just the beginning. Here are 5 things in your car that could soon sit behind a paywall.

The automaker BMW caught some flak earlier in the year when it began charging owners in the UK, Germany, New Zealand, South Africa and other countries $18 monthly subscriptions to use seat warmers.

That prompted outrage - and for good reason. For one thing, the cost of the installed seat warmer hardware figured into the purchase price of the new car, meaning that BMW owners are being charged just to turn on a piece of hardware they’ve already paid for. As we noted at the time, that is a classic example of “rent seeking,” a well described economic behavior in which individuals seek to extract uncompensated value from others without making any contribution to productivity. (Lobbying to bend the rules of the market in favor of corporations or special interests is the most obvious form of “rent seeking” in our economy, but it’s hardly the only example.)

Paywall it!

The news about seat warmers also prompted action: legislators in New Jersey floated a bill that would prohibit automakers from requiring subscriptions for certain motor vehicle features - business practices that the bill’s sponsors said “primarily serve to increase corporate profits.” That bill would apply to subscription features that rely on components and hardware already installed on the motor vehicle at the time of purchase or lease by the consumer.

Still, one proposed law in a state isn’t going to be nearly enough to stop the “paywall it!” fever that is sweeping across the boardrooms of global automakers. Simply: the “up side” (fat, recurring revenue streams) is just too big and the risks (pissed off, exploited customers) are too small.

In fact, BMW already offers a slew of subscription based services for its cars in addition to the seat warmer package, from speed trap …err…”safety camera” detection to a “high beam assistant” that automatically dims high beams for oncoming traffic. Most of those are “value added” software-based enhancements that don’t simply gate access to hardware and features that are already in the car. But, as automakers embrace “automobiles as a service” (AAS?), look for the pursuit of higher margins and new revenue streams to erode notions of propriety, corporate responsibility and fairness. EVERYTHING in your car will be “in scope” for a paywall. The only obstacle is the imagination of the executives and their engineers.

CarDom: our dystopian driving future

With that in mind, here are five car subscriptions that don’t exist today (to the best of our knowledge) but that may soon be coming to a vehicle near you.

The Wiper Swipe Package

What is more annoying than driving in a rainstorm without the benefit of your wipers! Fortunately, CarDom’s state of the art, AI-enhanced wipers sense the rainfall and adjust perfectly to the road conditions. No more fiddling with the controls. Just $10 gets you 1,000 swipes, or get a year of swipes for just $25!

Enhanced Passenger Safety Package

What’s more important than the safety of those you love? CarDom’s Enhanced Passenger Safety Package ensures that the latest in passenger safety technology is there to shield you and your passengers in case of an accident. With the Enhanced Passenger Safety Package, passengers in the rear compartments get the advantage of side curtain- and front air bags to protect their head, knees and more. Take care of the ones you love the most! Get the Enhanced Passenger Safety Package for $12 a month or $120 annual subscription.

Power Squirt Package

Bugs. Dirt. Pollen. Its hard to keep your windshields clean. CarDom’s Power Squirt package makes sure that windshields get the attention they deserve. Our patented PowerSquirt Plus (TM) windshield washing fluid is specially designed to clear off your glass without smudges or streaking, while our factory-installed Power Squirt nozzles make sure your cleaning fluid gets to all the right spots. A package of 500 squirts is $10, or buy our “bottomless cup” annual package for $25 which includes free Power Squirt fluid refills!

Defrost Package

Brr!!! It’s cold outside. And what’s worse than freezing your “knuckles” off on a cold morning with a windshield scraper in your hand? Don’t worry: CarDom has you covered. Our state of the art front- and rear window defrosters leverage the latest advancements in thermodynamics to get those windshields defrosted fast and efficiently, while you warm your buns in comfort. (See our seat warmer subscription package for more on that!) A monthly subscription is $15 or buy our Ice Free annual subscription for just $30!

‘Bright Eyes’ High Beam Package

There’s nothing worse than driving on a dark road without your high beams to show you what lies ahead. And now, with our ‘Bright Eyes’ package, you don’t ever have to worry about that being you. CarDom’s patented Bright Eyes High Beam technology uses the latest in artificial intelligence and LED technology to illuminate the driver’s field of vision. Light sensors automatically adjust the brightness of the high beams to perfectly tailor the beam to your driving conditions. Get the Bright Eyes high beams now for $5 a month or $50 for an annual subscription!

Steering around our future

Of course, there’s nothing inevitable about any of this. As the actions of the New Jersey legislators show: the public and lawmakers can push back against the industry’s efforts to turn us all into helpless tenants of our own vehicles. Proposed legislation on Capitol Hill like the REPAIR Act, for example, set federal limits on automakers’ ability to constrain access to repair and maintenance information

And, even if a move to subscriptions is unavoidable, it need not mean an “open season” on drivers and car owners. Setting limits and boundaries for what can and cannot be paywalled, while also making sure that automakers don’t achieve “Apple Store”-like monopolies on “add-on” services for their vehicles.